The Beginning of the End

The URL, with "bulgaria" in the title, beacons me to abandon this blog at some point and move to a more long term destination. It's been nearly a month since I parted with Bulgaria and it's time to start putting the experience behind me and embracing what's ahead more than I dwell on what's gone.

A few entries ago I included that I wasn't fond of Peace Corps and would comment on that more extensively at some point. Seeing how I'm trying to leave this and move on, I suppose that point is coming. Deciding to leave brought a whirlwind of support and disbelief and even some direct criticisms. I received emails and IMs from close Peace Corps friends, from distant ones, from volunteers I barely knew and even from some former PCVs who wanted to share their stories, opinions and support.

Speaking out against the Peace Corps is not exactly an easy thing to do. See, it's like a secret society and talking badly about it breaks some vow of silence I never promised to observe. Also, my objection isn't a simple one. I don't like the organization, I don't like the way they treat volunteers or host country nationals and I'd even go as far as publicly admitting I don't like most volunteers and generally feel like a large portion are serving for the wrong reasons (and doing the wrong things).

I spoke candidly to an organization I served about Bulgarians and Bulgarian attitudes and how it leads to nothing changing or getting done. We also spoke about organizations and how they function (or don't) and why that happens. Eventually, I realized I was in a group of Americans so completely guilty of what we criticized and found myself in no real position to change it. As one PCV wrote about me and my experience with other PCVs: "Things happen that we can't deal with, but if you let other people take responsibility for your actions, you're going to feel uselsess." I'm not 100% clear what that meant, other than implying I can't "deal," but I assure one and all that I take responsibility for all that I did, including leaving - I did it because it was the healthiest option around.

For the number of people who read this, and those who might stumble upon it in the future, I need to wrap this up as well as I can and to explain myself - my thoughts and feelings - as best as I can. I'll say that I don't regret my decision to join Peace Corps. I learned a lot and met a number of great people. So, take that for what it's worth...because I don't regret leaving either.