The gulf within

When you graduate high school there's the excitement - one stemming from everyone going to the next phase in their own way. All, or most , are going to college, but one that fits them somehow. Plans are made to get together over winter break to reconnect and swap stories.

College graduation is a little different. People finish at different times, find jobs at different rates, go off to even more schooling. There's an immediate definition of success - those who land the quickest and the safest. Investment bankers. Law school students. People merging effortlessly into the well paved paths of security. Those left behind or taking risks with something less traditional can't quite keep up with the parties and other lifestyle choices. It becomes clear that their roads are diverging from their more focused friends. And then there's a gulf - one left for both parties to attempt to overcome.

It is when these roads separate, rather than when they are together, that proves the meaning and value of the friendships. A shared experience does not a friendship make. Differing experiences and a commitment to be a part of both shows that it's more than padding or a diversion. Constantly reeling in, and being reeled in. Not allowing distance or careers or significant others or money or rate of progress to dictate what is or is not there.

When I think of my friendships and what holds them together I get two things: laughter and respect. That includes being able to laugh at oneself and having self-respect. Some of those things are in jeopardy. Others, sadly, I think have faded. Sometimes I feel too present in my life, as if my heart is in thousands of pieces and being housed outside of myself. When attachments become loses, that piece of me goes too.