Friends: Girlfriends and finding qualified applicants

Throughout my life I've had about equal number of male and female friends. There have even been periods where my number of male friends has far exceeded the number of female friends (I hung out at a lot of Irish pubs, developed an ability to drink an absurd amount of Guinness and learned a bit about hockey during that time). While currently keeping my tradition of befriending both sexes, I must say that the past few weeks have brought some significant advances in the number of women in my life. Recent times have also brought a few friends to send various "don't forget your girlfriends" forwards. I'm not a fan of men vs. women (everyone knows women are better, why gloat?), but I've had more than a few moments, be they in person, on the phone, via online chat, in emails, or what-have-you that so incredibly capture the joy and understanding that women bring to women, that just remembering some of them now make me smile. These little events, moments, connections are the kind of things that even if retold wouldn't warrant more than a eyebrow raise and a skeptical "ok". You really did just have to be there. There's not a single woman in my life I don't have private little jokes with - jokes we can share in a room and no one else knows what in the hell we are talking about. Most women I know can hyperlink our current conversation to a previous one with just a word, or even a gesture and I know exactly what they mean. When I'm rambling for hours or even days about something - they get it and understand that I'm trying to get there too. This isn't to say that I don't appreciate the men in my life (I know some pretty terrific ones), just to say that girlfriends are...special and oh-so needed.

My social circle slowly is slowly expanding. Most people would see this as a good thing, perhaps even ask "why slowly?". Here's the deal: I'm a quality-over-quantity gal. I'd rather fully explore and expand the friendships I have than to gather more friends. This is to the point that when I start to develop a friendship with someone I think something along the lines of "Are you worth it, really?" The more people I add to my life, the less time I get to spend with those friends I currently have. And the friends I already have are pretty damn fantastic, so Dance, Monkey! Dance!! Just kidding (sort of). I'm picky, that's the short of it.

I've never really fully gotten what I am picky about - I mean my friends are all so different and unique that it's been hard to find a common thread. Then, a weekend ago, on a long bus ride following me begrudgingly allowing more people into the circle I figured it out: I like characters. Perhaps this sounds trite. Let me explain. I like people who, when they walk into a room you know they are there and who they are. The kind of people you don't say "Is that Joe or Jack? I get them confused" about. With my friends, you know Joe is nothing like Jack. When I meet people I end up becoming friends with, I always have a reaction, even if it's a wrong one. Admittedly, I don't often like future friends when I first meet them - they just seem like too much. In the end, it is precisely this "too much" that I adore and bond with. There's something more than that though. I like people with internal fire - with, as Scott would say, a thirst for life. I heart life forces. I like people who are hungry (not necessarily physically, but a taste for good food is appreciated) and people who genuinely struggle with who they are and the world they live in. I like genuineness - in fact, I demand it (along with kindness and humanity and wit and...). I relish the company of questioners. Of thinkers. Of feelers. Of wanters.

There are people you meet, we all know these people, and everyone says how "cool" or "nice" or "cute" or "fun" or [some other mealy adjective] the person is. People can't think of anything bad to say about them, but they can't think of anything stellar either. Yeah, those people: not my friends. It might make me a fastidious snob, but that's part of my character. And who doesn't love character?