Doing the Unstuck

In 27 hours I will be on my way to Prague. More importantly: leaving Bulgaria and all the craziness that is my life here. My last vacation proved to be somewhat of a mixed blessing - refreshing me, but reminding me what I was missing by having a so-called life here. I add a new dimension to this vacation: an old friend who knows me well. That aspect makes Prague itself seem less exciting. Real conversations with someone who "knew me when" is nearly overwhelming.

My life here has progressed and changed, morphed and evolved in many good ways, but in so many ways I can barely process them. Things are done and undone, fixed and broken, running and then crippled. Each day is indeed a new one, but whether that is good or bad is undecided. It's easy to forget to be light-hearted here, and while laughs are good and strong they sometimes feel too few and far between. I've taken enough hits that my peripheral vision has been greatly reduced. Blind spots are so irritating.

I am giddy with enthusiasm to share my experiences over the last year with a close friend - to hear his perspective, to absorb his insights. Like all great friends, he is good at not only picking up on my blind spots, but pointing them out with care and finesse. It takes a good person to make a swift kick in the pants feel like a bear hug, and I could use a lot of both.

I have a lot of work to do this next year. I'm just feeling stuck. Sinking in the mud of my current life. I know there's a way out, I just can't see it. I need to be refreshed and pushed. I need to have an outside perspective with a brain and heart I can pick. Someone who can help get me out of here, but point me in the right direction. I need someone not involved in it at all, but someone very involved with me. My whole being needs this vacation something terrible.

...Kick out the gloom, kick out the blues. Tear out the pages with all the bad news. Pull down the mirrors and pull down the walls, tear up the stairs and tear up the floors. Oh, just burn down the house, burn down the street! Turn everything red and the beat is complete. With the sound of your world going up in fire, it's a perfect day to throw back your head, and kiss it all goodbye.