Begin the Begin

For those who do not know, life changes and introspection have led me to decide to file for a legal change of name. Today confirmation was received that the judge approved it and I am, in so many ways, not my father's daughter. The rest of the process (an antiquated requirement to make a 'public notice' in a local paper I've never heard of and then changing all personal documents) will take another month and needs to be handled locally. This means I have approximately a month until I am free to move.

Being tied to that process has allowed me to take some pressure off myself to just run and jump into what's next and instead really think about what I want and need. Some days my own thoughts annoy me to no end, other days pieces seem to effortlessly come together allowing me to realize things I should have noted long ago. It's purgatory, but a much needed one. I, finally, took DC and NYC off my possibility list realizing that the friends and would-be life in Chicago have taken a life of their own - a life I eagerly await to live. I've come to fully appreciate the need for like minded friends to be close and to share my life with them. I want to be closer (yet not sooooo close) to my family. I want to pursue my interests and even my non-corporate talents. I want to sail and bike and own a Wrangler that I beat the living shit out of. I want to box again.

The list of things I've had to fret about in the last month has been rather overwhelming, but having one closer to completely finished means I am that much closer to moving my energy down the list. This next month will be, largely, about preparing to tackle my new life by tying up loose ends locally and healing some significant old wounds. When I head to Chicago I'll have a new name and, really, a new me to go with it. I, at least once a day, beat myself up for not moving faster and doing more, yet my days are full and I begin and end each day aware of my center and myself. This itself is tremendous progress. This is the beginning.