Lost indeed

I went out tonight after being cooped up in my apartment nursing myself back to full health (with the aid of a server full of "Lost" episodes). I emerged from my well heated apartment (by local standards...hell, who am I kidding? I keep it toasty) to find an absolutely gorgeous day...one that had just ended.

Those things, me taking care of myself and it meaning that I missed a really great day, made me think of my experience here. When I take care of myself I tend to miss things...and when I try to participate and branch out I seem to deplete myself. I have no balance here and I'm not sure how to get it. I feel like I've been trying to find it since I got here...but haven't. I don't know if it's an extreme disconnect with this place... or that I just haven't looked hard enough... or if I just don't want to find it here for some reason... or...

Balance. Drive. Enthusiasm. Stability... all things I don't have here. All things I'm used to having. All things I really could use right about now.