Me hungry. Me want cookie...and some Richter.

This whole experience was supposed to make my life simpler. I think it's failed. See, while I live without certain things I haven't really gotten over their absence. Like...um...culture. Yeah. Once upon a time I shopped at independent bookstores. I went to art house movie theaters. I called in sick to see art exhibits. I saw as many plays as I could afford. I rented movies from a video store that catalogued by country and director's name then openly criticized you for not knowing where to find a movie. I ate at restaurants where "on the side" was assumed so much that I often felt like I was making my own meal. Now...now I do none of those things.

In addition to eliminating the actual events above, the anticipation of doing them is also eliminated. Will they have the obscure film I want at the store? Is the exhibit overhyped? What can I assume about the movie by the people buying the tickets? Will I have a random find at the bookstore? There's a multi-act play in all of these delights. The set-up and longing then the confusion and conflict (Was a whole room of the artist's early drawing necessary? Is there room for dessert?) and then the resolution (this, as all snobs know, is the verdict and judgment).

While I know I was sent here to hang with "the people" and to not see them as the salt of the earth, I do think that freshly ground sea salt is so much better than table salt...but, really, if properly spiced, salt isn't always needed... Basically, I miss being a snob. No, this experience hasn't knocked it out of me. No, I do not feel ashamed of my discriminating tastes. No, I do not intend to teach you.

In addition to doing these things, snobs also do something wacky. They discuss and debate. Is Fellini overrated? Is opera a living art? What's missing in modern art? Is it ever ok to serve beer at a dinner party? When was the last time a book changed your life? People really think about these things. I think about these things. I miss people who also think about these things and want to hear what others think. I miss people who want to process. People who delve. I miss those bastard thinkers. I miss my people.

I've met some smart people here, even some fellow snobs. But we really aren't working with much. Want to see a mainstream film? No, but I will. What do you think about it? It sucked. Yeah, that conversation gets old quickly. It's the mixed reactions or the overwhelming awe one has for things that make it worth discussing. Here's the key to bitching that I've learned: it's only fun when you have good things to balance it, otherwise it's flesh-eating.

I find myself feeling empty a lot here, often in ways I can't describe. I remember similar but muted feelings back home. Those are the days I always rented a good film or went to see one, saw an exhibit, bought tickets to a play, had a meal that was an event, or...just filled up my soul. And then I'd meet with my people to fill up my brain and I was ok. I haven't found that here.

Dear friends, the food is bland. The culture and people too. Send help. ...No, seriously.